You can think about the human personality as a number of layers, each folded around early ones, rather like an onion. At the centre are the youngest parts of you, on the outside you older parts. While the skin we present to the world is adult, at our centre we still carry a part of ourselves which is very young.
Most of the time we have to get on with our adult life, but our inner child is still there. It is capable of wonder, joy, fun and play, and that’s often how it appears in our lives; perhaps marvelling at a sunset, curious about how something works, or enjoying playfulness with those we trust or with young children. The inner child also has a shadow side, the part which can rage, sulk or be lonely and hurt. What we get often depends on how we look after our inner child – if we neglect it then it can act out.
Some people may need to look after their inner child more than others. This can be because you are facing a stressful time in your life, there is a crisis, or other difficulties that make it hard to cope. If you had a difficult childhood, it will be particularly important to care for yourself, as it is likely your inner child’s feelings about those difficulties will be triggered.
You can think of looking after your inner child as ‘parenting’ yourself. Allow yourself time and room to play, whatever that means to you. It might be anything from drawing with crayons to more formal hobbies or interests like horse riding. The key is to find something fun that makes you feel young inside. You also need to give time to the not so good feelings, and provide comfort to yourself. Think of it like looking after a sad child, and give yourself some of the comforts you’d provide that child. It might be a mug of cocoa, time on the sofa wrapped up in a shawl, or something else that gives you a warm inner glow.
Finally, a word for pets; some research suggests that having a pet such as a cat, which you can stroke or play with, helps you live longer. I can’t vouch for that, but they really help soothe us. If your life does not have room for a pet, an excellent alternative is a soft toy, such as a teddy bear. They might not be so interactive, but just having one in your bedroom that you hug when you feel down might remind you to look after your inner child. If this feels silly, remind yourself of how it felt to hug such a toy when you were young; you’re not doing it for your adult self (so don’t take it to work!), you’re doing it for another part of you.
